Carnival Pageant Crowns Syd and Evolly as Carnival King and Queen

Queen Evolly Dynami sits upon her thone
Photos by Persephone Bolero

By Bolero News Services

AMAZON -- Just when you thought the rain forest couldn’t get any hotter, some of the sexiest people in the jungle vied Sunday for the coveted title of Carnival King and Queen, at the first annual Amazon Carnival Pageant.

After a sexy lineup of brains and beauty, Syd Straaf and Evolly Dynami took home the top titles.

Each of the contestants took to the stage to convince the judges why he or she should be crowned, followed by a display of their individual talents before judges Baron La Croix, Maccus Zenoria, and Eve Fintan.

Syd Straaf gazes menacingly at the judges

The show opened up with Harold Froman, who attempted to win the crown by roasting the judges and a few innocent bystanders, while performing what appeared to be some kind of chicken dance.

His talent was some kind of cock sorcery in which he unnaturally spun his engorged manhood so fast he was able to levitate off the stage and spray the audience with his semen.

For his efforts, he came in third among three men, taking home the last but respectable title of Carnivale Hunk, which was probably a play on the word “hung.”

Prince Cento the Magnificent in all his glory

Cento took the stage next and attempted to appeal to the judges’ sympathy, tearing up while talking of how he always dreamed of being crowned king.

Like Froman, Cento’s talent was magic, and he attempted to make Tantrica disappear, which was initially successful. However, when he brought her back, she had transformed into a horse. In a true display of showmanship, he mounted the steed and rode her off into the sunset as if nothing was amiss.

Tantrica (left) prior to her horsification

While his act resulted in a shocking mishap, no one was sprayed with semen. Thus, he took home the title of Carnival Prince.

Lastly, Syd Straaf took the stage and convinced the judges to crown him king in a series of subtle and not-so subtle threats. He then juggled and told some jokes, which included references to reptiles, monkeys, and drug use.

Besides threats, Syd Straaf also had an advertising campaign

Next, the female contestants took to the stage. Diana Fawcett was the first to make an appearance. She explained why she should be queen in a rap song. She then removed ropes from her outfits and showed off her impressive lassoing skills.

Her act was followed by Chieftess Ath Hotshot whose speech was of peace and harmony. She then performed a dance with firesticks, managing to twirl a flaming baton without burning her hair or anyone in the audience.

Diana Fawcett and Ath Hotshot, Amazon beauties

For their efforts, Diana and Hotshot took home the prize of Carnival Beauty.

Dynami was next on stage, and her speech was quite simple. Rather then tell the judges why she should be queen, she showed them. Hanging from a spinning hoop, the co-leader of the Legion gracefully displayed her talents as a dancer and contortionist, bending and twisting acrobatically as the hoop twirled her. Some men in the audience were noticeable shifting in their seats, perhaps from a tightness in their pants.

Evolly Dynami blows kisses to the crowd

Next to take the stage was Hope, probably the most voluptuous of the seeker cultists. She said something about ecosystems and that all we have to do to be happy is eat fish and fruit, a speech not surprisingly cheered by Tantrica. She then appealed to La Croix’s vanity with some flattery about the Monks.

The bodacious woman, decked out in exquisite body art, then showed off her magician talents. Her wings dissolved and became butterflies that fluttered around her. Certainly owing to her sensuality and Monk flattery, she won the prize of Carnival Star.

Hope the Seeker with her minions fluttering around her

Chieftess Khaing Zar was last to take the stage. She promised to start a porn career if selected as the Carnival Queen. She then performed a delightfully amusing ventriloquist act with her dragon Marigold.

Sadly, our dreams of watching Zar in some sexy native flicks were dashed when she was awarded the prize of Carnival Star. Though, she seemed quite pleased with the outcome.

Chieftess Khaing Zar and Marigold the dragon

In a jungle where something is always happening, the event was unparalleled in its glamor, and it was executed flawlessly. Eve and Dylan Fintan, Zar, and Jojo Noel Hayze should be commended for organizing this unique event.

For more photos of the pageant, check out the Amazon Flickr site.