First annual Amazon Olympic Games begins July 18

 By Nanny the goatbreeder

AMAZON — Long ago, athletes from the great city states of Greece came together to compete with one another for Greek prizes, which were probably just slaves and wine. Now the factions, tribes, and those with no specific alliance will vie for victory in a series of competitions in the first annual Amazon River Olympic Games.

The event is the result of a collaboration between members of the Tapirape tribe and Namida Giulia, inventor of the popular Juicy Hunt.

The first two competitions, which will be held this weekend, began as humble entertainment for the Tapirape Tribe. Whispering Wind, a Tapirape shaman, and her husband, Catten, found some lost barrels floating down the river. After repairing and waterproofing them, they began racing them down the river. Tapirape Chieftess Eva Sawa was so impressed with the game that she declared her tribe shall share it with all the Amazon.

Whispering Wind is known for her spontaneous art.
Courtesy photo

The Shipwreck Race event, as the barrel race is called, will be held Saturday, July18, at noon. It will begin at the Tapirape camp, which is located near the Love Temple, and will continue through multiple areas of the Amazon.

The second game the tribe invented is a Croco Rodeo. Before the Tapirape subdued the crocodile, it was terrorizing the tribe.

“The crocodile was an old grumpy beast that took many Tapis’ lives,” Whispering said.

The Tapirap now forces it to perform in rodeos, humiliating the reptile in front of spectators every day of its miserable life.

Rather than a single event, the Croco Rodeo will be available in Tanana, from July 18 through July 25. Anyone daring enough to ride the crocodile may attempt to do so, and whoever rides the longest before July 25 at noon will win the most points to their overall score.

Namida Giulia with close friend Anna.
Photo by Giulia

On Sunday, July 19, at noon, Amazonian olympians will fight in the Bloody Hunt, which is a spinoff of Giulia’s popular Juicy Hunt. Rather than shoot each other and gather fruit as in the Juicy Hunt, Bloody Hunt teams will shoot each other and gather crock meat. This event will take place in Tanana.

The games continue into the following weekend with the Horse Racing event on Saturday, July 25, at noon. Riders will race through multiple regions. The starting and ending line of this race, which was also a creation of Guilia, are both in Glint.

The horses for the event are being donated Polite Society, a philanthropic organization dedicated to bringing law, order, and civilization to the otherwise filthy and impoverished jungle.

Following the Horse Race, there will be an awards ceremony, hosted by Eve Heartsong and Whispering, in Tanana. Contestants in the games will receive points from each game depending on how well they place. Large sums of gold and trophies will be dumped upon the top three contestants, and a party for everyone will follow.

Finally, on Sunday, July 26, at noon, there will be a Cage Fighting event. Everyone will fight for themselves, and the last one standing wins. The event will take place in Tanana.

Whispering Wind is also a skilled healer and midwife.
Photo by Cento Sogni

This historic series of games is a collaboration among multiple people from across the jungle.

In conversations with co-organizer Heartsong, Chieftess Sawa suggested her tribe’s games could be included as part of a complete series of games.

“They talked about and made it happen. Eva then appointed both Catten and myself to help,” Whispering said.

Guilia had also been considering a series of summer games, and he signed onto the project.

Whispering said she hopes the games will bring Amazonians together, but she is doubtful it will have that effect on the people she calls “palefaces.”

“Maybe some will be closer to the natives, and the games will foster camaraderie. But for others it will probably increase their urge to kill. Either way, it will certainly improve interaction among all,” the shaman said.