Tantrica and associate terrorize Catadore Resort -- again!

Ecoterrorist Tantrica seen here with Gilbert (deceased)
Courtesy photo

 

 By Bolero News Services

AMAZON -- An ecoterrorist known mononymously as Tantrica attacked the Catadore Resort this week, causing a deafening swarm of crickets to descend on the peaceful and charitable hospitality business. It's not the first time this crusader has done so.

Dylan Fintan, co-owner of the resort, said the trouble began Sunday following a well-attended jet ski race featuring about eight racers who skied a circuit across rivers and ocean.

After the event, Tantrica and an associate known only as Lyric or The Imp showed up at the resort demanding to know if the resort had organized or promoted the race.

"I told them [the racers] had just finished and that it was a fun time for all. Silvia won by the way. She was crazy fast,” Fintan said.

According to Fintan, Tantrica claimed that a “motorboat” killed a pet rat, which Fintan referred to as Gilbert, saying Tantrica and Lyric refused to name him.

Fintan said Tantrica then assaulted him with Gilbert’s carcass and demanded to be compensated for her loss. Her associate, Lyric, apparently encouraged the outburst.

“She was there just egging Tan on,” an exasperated Fintan said.

Tantrica claims to be an animal lover.
Courtesy photo

Fintan denied any responsibility on the part of the resort for Gilbert’s death. The terrorizing duo claimed the rat was their favorite and wanted him buried. They also demanded the resort pay 100 bottles of beer, 100 cigarettes, and 100 bars of chocolate.

“Needless to say I was a little taken aback,” Fintan recalled.

Fintan offered to help identify the culprit who caused Gilbert’s death, but the pair refused to provide any information as to when or where the incident took place.

“Lyric took me to the Love Temple and just pointed at the river,” Fintan said.

Tantrica and Lyric returned the following morning and repeated their accusations. They also increased their demands for what they called “reparations.” Despite having no culpability for Gilbert’s death, Fintan commissioned a headstone for the pet’s grave.

“We are always about community service here at the resort. In fact, just last week, we gave out supplies to the needy of the jungle to make soup -- all sourced right here on the resort,” Fintan said.

After burying Gilbert, Fintan said the ecoterrorists somehow drove millions of crickets upon the resort, disturbing guests and disrupting the otherwise tranquil getaway.

“A few hours later they were still going, and not only that, Tan was blowing a huge horn,” Fintan exclaimed, adding that Tantrica’s associate Lyric was encouraging the unruly behavior.

Fintan said his wife Eve, who is part owner of the resort, was able to convince Tantrica to send the crickets away. He said he wasn’t sure how she did it but believes Yoga was involved. They also paid off the pair with some ears of corn.

Tantrica, seen here being horny.
File photo

“Eve and I figured it would be good to help feed their bellies, because, well, we do things like that out of the kindness of our hearts,” said Dylan Fintan, who is well known for his generous philanthropy.

Eve Fintan, however, claimed Yoga was not involved. Though she was vague as to exactly how she resolved the dispute, only stating that it involved “force.”

“The guests could not sleep,” Eve Fintan said. “So I had to use force to make them kill the noise.”

Tantrica, who claims she leads a tribe called the Extinction Rebellion, has been terrorizing the jungle over what appears to be an anarcho-primitivism crusade against all industry. A few months ago, she was a prominent figure in an arson attack on an oil facility operated by the Raiders, and she spread dead rats at a housewarming party for the Legion this past month. She released rats at a birthday party for Mercenary leader Kylie as well, and somehow trained them to perch upon partiers’ shoulders.

Last month, after Tantrica spread dead animals all over the resort in protest of “ceeteh people”, Eve Fintan released a statement seeming to apologize and excuse Tantrica’s rampages. Tantrica is a member of a cult, whose members are referred to as seekers.

“I've come to learn that no seeker can be held responsible for her actions,” Eve Fintan said in the statement. “They were all raised by the all-seeing monks and are under constant supervision. Almost every act they carry out falls in line with what they are programmed to do.”

The resort owner had a very different take on this week’s events, seeming to contradict the apologies she made last month.

“It was just couple brats that wanted sugar, chocolate, and cigarettes,” Eve Fintan stated this week. "This was all Lyric's idea, and she stands for nothing. Tantrica needs to put that muzzle back on her if you ask me.”

What led to the change of perspective remains unclear. As of press time, the resort is once again in peace and free of animal carcasses, at least for the time being.